My day off

So, Lauren's nana will probably not live out the day, her other grandmother is still in ICU and the doctors still have no clue as to what my father has (they are pretty sure it's not cancer though). All of this coupled with the fact that I am fresh out of the "good stuff".

God you know what my biggest addiction is right now...escaping! I hate this real world so much it makes me sick! Everyday there is a new tragedy, everyday I hear something that just pisses me off, everday I have to make myself go to work a meaningless job wondering if I am really compromising my ideals. So what do I do at night and on my days off? That's right, I escape. Whether it's through movies, music, alcohol, pot whatever will help forget about this fuckin' shitty world we exist in.

Many times I wish I didn't have these issues...why can't I just be like everyone else I work with who doesn't mind selling the 85 year old grandmothers or the single mother with four kids high-speed internet when they can barely afford to live...why do I feel like I'm not doing enough for the Kingdom of God and the greater good of humanity...why can't I just be like those people who either don't care or are willingly blind to the reality around them?

I don't know what's better the blue pill or the red one!

I need music right now...lets see what I can find...

Ah, here we go. Cat Stevens is my friend, I love Lauren for helping me to realize this man's music. I tell you what I don't care if this is a clash of worldviews but I absolutly love Peace Train...it makes me smile and cry all at the same time.

Cause out on the edge of darkness, there rides a peace train
Oh peace train take this country, come take me again

Next song.

Alright, quite a bit different genre here but Kayne West's song Jesus Walks stirs so much emotion within me. Does God just love it when a person creates something so open and honest? I like to think He does. Why are so many Christians afraid of this type of honest reflection of a person's faith? I just don't get it. They'd rather have their superficial, CCM approved music so that they can feel good about themself.

I can't do it!

I want to know, really know Him...I want to know the love that He has...I want to see the miraculuos changes that can happen if we just have the real love that Christ talked about.

God, I am so tired now.

(Jesus Walks)
God show me the way because the Devil try to break me down
(Jesus Walks with me)
The only thing that I pray is that my feet don't fail me now
(Jesus Walks)
And I don't think there’s nothing I can do to right my wrong
(Jesus Walks with me)
I wanna talk to God but I'm afraid cause we ain't spoke in so long