Well...

I've bummed my first smoke of the day. I was on this last call for at least an hour trying to explain to this person why their bill was so high and she just wouldn't understand. Out of all the jobs I ever had this is by far the most stressful. I'm thinking I will need some kind of help with this quiting smoking venture, like a strong dose of the patch or something. It is so weird to me how our bodies get addicted to something you always thought you could live without and before you know it you can't handle anything without injecting some of that drug (in my case nicotene) into your body to calm your nerves.

This just sucks!!!

Lets see if this works

Alright well I have been at work for a little over two and a half hours, an hour of which we didn't have any calls coming in....so good news is no calls no stressful situations which would increase my desire for nicotine, bad news is I have a big fat 0 as far as sales.

All I have to do is make through the rest of today and tomorrow and then I am looking at four days off!!

More to come later...

And so it begins

Day 1:
How pathetic is this, before I even rolled out of bed this morning I thought to myself, "man I wish I could have a smoke right now." This may turn out to be a very long day...we'll see what happens.

Frail...

Physically, spiritually, emotionally frail. Left to ourselves, we all are any one of these. It has been four days since my father was discharged from the hospital and I continue to be haunted by the same dream since he initially went it...myself laying in a hospital bead unable to breathe on my own, wishing I could go outside with my children and play with them.

Now I don't know if my dad even brushed up against death while he was in the hospital, but I feel that this is just the beginning of what will be many hospital admissions for him until he departs this life. He's only sixty-five and he told me that he knows he won't live to be very much older.

God! I don't want that to be me. For the past eight years I have let my frailty get the best of me...and it is very much all my fault. I choose to eat fast-food, to not excercise, to light up a smoke whenever I feel stressed or for just the hell of it. Why can I not make the right choice or am I just too stuborn to make the right choice. I have made too many promises, too many quick responses of "I'm going to quit" as soon as this or that happens.

Well, tomorrow I will once again embark on the wearisome journey of quiting smoking. I have one more left, which I am saving for just the right moment this evening, and that will be it...I hope.

I need to do this...I need to be strong...Father grant me the strength I need and the wisdom to make better choices concerning my frail being.

Let me tell ya...

I absolutely love the tv show Scrubs!! I just realized that the title I chose for this blog "My Crazy Times" is just like the episode titles of the show e.g. my monster, my tcw but I swear that was not my intention when I chose it. It was chosen for a whole different other reason, which I'll get into later. You see I've been watching the 2nd season and it is just one the funniest shows...and Zach Braff is definitely moving up the favorite actor list...maybe not top five yet but definitely pushing it.

Anyway, that's it.

Everything that I post on here doesn't have to always be deep, brooding, angst driven drivel....Does it?

Fresh Start

There's a lot that sucks about life, but there happens to be a lot that makes it worth living. At times I know it is difficult to think of the good things, so lets just start out with one this morning...regardless of how I lived my life up till this point I can make the conscience decision to change things. Granted, this is no easy task but it is possible. So for today I have made the decision to live differently...aware of the crap around me, the despair I feel at work and just the overall saddness of living in a fallen world, but with the realization that my Father has brought hope into this world.